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How To Stop Your Insecurities From Sabotaging Your Chances Of Finding Love


How To Stop Your Insecurities

Have you ever found yourself genuinely confused about how someone could be single? How could he or she possibly have any trouble when it comes to relationships?

Have you ever met someone and felt like his or her vivacious personality and wide-eyed wonder for the world is just what the world — maybe even your world — might be missing? Yet, this person is completely unaware and, instead, carries on about what’s wrong with him or her and what he or she could improve upon.

I’ve done this on more occasions than I can count. I’ve sat and watched people try to mask their emotions with regard to how they could possibly not be in relationships. I’ve got to say, it always really pains me how hard people can be on themselves and how oblivious they are to all that they bring to the table.

But, despite my stance on the matter, I’ve subscribed to the same anomaly at times. It’s funny how life works. It’s always easier to give advice than it is to take it. It’s always easier to give a compliment than to believe one when it comes your way.

Eight months ago, when I first started talking to my boyfriend, I told him I doubted he ever had trouble with the ladies. After hitting send, I immediately regretted it. All of a sudden, all these memories of the times when guys had said similar things to me started to resurface. As a result, I felt super insensitive for saying it.

His response? “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean they want to date me.”

In my experience, this isn’t true. Instead, I witness people saying these things and think, “I wish other people felt the same way.”

Even though this is what I’m thinking, I tend to just keep it to myself. I laugh it off because nobody likes a Debbie Downer.

But the thing is, when people say these things to us, our minds start turning. We keep wondering why we couldn’t keep the person we cared about. Or, if we have been lucky enough to keep him or her, we wonder why we have problems in the relationship.

We think about the times when we’ve been turned down and the times when we’ve been made to feel like we’re not enough. We think about how we look, talk, have fun, argue, overthink, react: You name it; we’ve thought it.

We wonder why people think we have no problems. They must just be trying to be nice. They probably don’t mean it.

But here’s the thing: When people say these things — although it’s true that they may not know your struggles — maybe they just see something in you that you fail to see.

That’s pretty uplifting, don’t you think? It’s great that somebody could see a world of potential in you while you’re stuck viewing yourself in a small-town sort of way.

So do your best to keep your head up, and I’ll try my best to take my own advice. Without a doubt, there’s someone out there who sees the absolute best in you, despite whatever issues you may have.

Someone out there accepts you exactly as you are. As my big sister says, “There’s someone whose ‘crazy’ mixes well with yours.”

Next time someone suggests there’s no way you have any issues when it comes to relationships, just take it as a compliment. Realize there’s more to you than meets the eye. Do your best to stop seeing yourself through the eyes of someone who didn’t realize that.

by Rebecca Norris


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