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Considering the fact that I have never really had a “boyfriend,” I would venture to say that something about me is not really “girlfriend material.” A lot of my friends are the same way, and I just can’t help but wonder, “What is it?”
I mean, I guess none of us are the types of girls who are really going out and actively seeking boyfriends. We’re also all relatively picky. Or, maybe it’s because we are so close that it’s hard for a new person (potential boyfriend) to come in and feel fully comfortable.
We can speculate all we want, but the fact of the matter remains that we are an entire group of friends who have never really been in serious relationships.
The other day, my friends and I were discussing this extensively when she asked me, “Do you see yourself as girlfriend material?” And I wanted to say yes, but I had to hesitate because what does that even mean?!
I could see myself being a good girlfriend to a boy I liked enough to call my boyfriend. I’m a naturally loyal person, I would never cheat and when I do love someone, I love them wholly. But am I going to wear a cardigan and stay in to bake cookies and watch our favorite Netflix show on weekends? Probably not.
And that’s the thing. When I think of the term “girlfriend material,” the image that pops in my head is always of that same girl in JCrew baking cookies with bae in the kitchen.
To be honest, I’ve never loved the term “girlfriend material.” And maybe it’s because all of these years of singleness have unknowingly turned me into some sort of bitter spinster. But it’s mostly because, to me, the term implies that you have to be a certain way to be a girlfriend. Shouldn’t me just being myself be enough for the guy who wants to date me?
Besides, shouldn’t what constitutes as “girlfriend material” vary immensely from guy to guy? I’m a straight girl, and the type of guy I would call “boyfriend material” is probably way different from the type of guy any other girl would call “boyfriend material.” Is the type of guy I would want to date (confident, funny, smart, loyal guys’ guy who likes to have a good time) even necessarily “boyfriend material,” or is he just the type of boy Candice Jalili would like to have as a boyfriend?
As you can see, I was starting to overthink this thing big time.
So I decided to ask 11 separate guys point blank: “What makes someone girlfriend material?” And I got 11 completely different answers.
“What makes someone ‘girlfriend material’ is if she can hangout with your best friends. If they don’t like her or visa versa, then she isn’t going to make the cut.”
“Genuine support of whatever dream you’re chasing.”
“The most important quality for a girlfriend is her ability to make me laugh. I want to smile around her. Sharing the same sense of humor and enjoying similar things in life will create common ground whenever you face hard times.”
“[A girl who] can hang out with the parents (no PDA in front of the family; keep it in your pants). Laughs at my jokes. Good looking. Even if she doesn’t like what I like, she has to at least respect it (be able to go to a concert that I like and not sulk the whole time).”
“She actually likes you and sticks it out through the hard times/rough patches.”
“A girl who’s down that’s really sweet, loyal, and also works in the same department as you.”
“Someone who I want to spend Saturday with. When I’m out and drinking and whatever, it’s easy to get along with anybody. But when my hangover kicks in on Saturday and I smile if she’s there, she’s a keeper.”
“Any girl can be girlfriend material if I obsess over her long enough to project that on her.”
“Girls who I’m not scared to let be on my cell phone. Like, they’re not gonna go through my pictures and try to kill me. Or, they just won’t look for something wrong constantly.”
“Honesty, comfort, being able to be friends first helps a lot, shared sense of humor, similar values, style and general prettiness.”
“A chick who knows who she is, whose world doesn’t revolve around me, who’s funny and smart and sucks a good dick.”
So, I guess the best advice I can give you after this is to just be yourself. Odds are, to someone out there, that’s more than enough.
by Candice Jalili